Cover Story
by Giada Luna
Summary: Naruto has to perfect THAT jutsu, but he just can't do it on his own. What lengths will he go to get the help he needs? Anything that doesn't involve anymore speedos or naked guys from Konoha! Nobody tell Sakura what he's up to, okay? Spoiler for manga #682. Just a lighthearted story for fun!


_**AN; spoilers for manga issue #682. Just a fun story. Set in Konoha Post Pein invasion and then to the battle scene in the manga. Dialogue/translations in final segment obtained via mangapanda's release of the manga. Canon universe. Enjoy!**_

* * *

**Cover Story**

Nartuo was deep in the woods outside of Konoha trying to perfect _that_ jutsu. He stared at his latest handiwork and sighed in frustration.

"You're all wrong," he pulled at his hair. The clones looked at each other in confusion and then back at him.

"Wow," Konohamaru said from his seat on a nearby tree stump. "That might be the worst bunch yet."

The gaggle of clones looked down at their speedos and POOF'D away in embarrassment.

Naruto flopped back on the grass with a great sigh. "It's no use," he groaned. "The reverse sexy-no-jutsu doesn't work on a large-scale."

"Speedos don't even work on a small-scale," Konohamaru pointed out.

"How the heck am I supposed to figure out what would make women go nuts? Any of the girls I could ask would kill me."

"Yeah," Konohamaru snickered. "I'd love to see Sakura's face if you showed her what you are up to. She'd punch you into the bottom of a crater."

"Konohamaru," Naruto said, sitting up quickly into lotus position and adopting a very serious expression. "Remember. As my apprentice, you are sworn to absolute secrecy. If Sakura-chan were to find out _any_ of this, she'd come after me, sure, but she'd go after you, too. Don't think being a little kid would save you."

"I'm not a kid," Konohamaru grumbled, adjusting his forehead protector. "I graduated from the academy same as you."

"The point is," Naruto continued. "We have to keep this an absolute secret. Now. What else can we try?"

They both cupped their chins in their hands and furrowed their brows as they thought.

"Why not just use people you know?" Konohamaru snapped his fingers. "Chances are your enemy won't know them. You've been to the bath house with your friends; go from there.

"That could work," Naruto mused. "Ok – here we go!" He did the fast hand seals, summoned the clones, and nearly went blind.

The men of the Konoha 11 plus Sai and Sasuke were there – Shino, Kiba, Kiba, Neji, Lee, Choji – all of them, water dripping and glistening off of their toned, sculpted bodies… as they put their hands on their hips, and started to charge at Naruto while holding on to their towels.

"AAAH!" Naruto yelled before dispelling the jutsu. "Oh, never again," he shoved the heels of his hands into his eyes. "Ok. People I know are out."

"It's a shame you can't just draw them and then bring them off of the page like Sai," Konohamaru sighed sitting next to him. Then you wouldn't have to go through all of this."

"Yeah," Naruto agreed. "That would be nice." Both of them flopped back and stared up at the trees and the clouds drifting far above.

"What do girls want anyway?" Konohamaru asked, studying the white fluff as it drifted across the sky.

"Jiraiya would have said no one really knows," Naruto half laughed. "But he once told me that his books weren't just for men; that his books were for women too. He said that he filled his books with the kind of men that women liked, and that was how they sold so well."

"Are there pictures?" Konohamaru asked hopefully.

"No," Naruto sighed. "He said his publisher doesn't like to do many pictures because they got complaints."

"But they don't complain about those icky girl novels?" he asked. "Half naked guys with long hair and women who must always be fainting?" Konohamaru rolled his eyes. "Weird."

Naruto stopped. He jumped up, yanked Konohamaru off of the ground and spun him around. "Konohamaru!" he exclaimed. "You are a genius!" He dropped the boy onto the grass and then raced off.

"Where are you going?" Konohamaru called after him, trying to follow before falling dizzily back on his behind.

"TO RESEARCH!"

* * *

The small bookshop had been built back up after Pein's invasion, and Naruto scoured the shelves. He stared at the books with the flamboyant covers, trying to keep track of commonalities. Long hair, 8 pack abs, draping women over their arms and mouth-breathing…

After about five minutes, he ran out and went back to a clearing and tried to mold a few clones. He stared at them critically. The bodies were better, that was for sure, but the faces? The faces weren't different enough. They all ended up looking like Sai or Sasuke or Naruto, but not quite right. Naruto frowned. He didn't have an imagination for faces, and he was too scarred from earlier to try replicating the faces of his friends. A mental image of Shino's dark glasses and solemn expression with long flowing hair and a bulked up body made him shiver and giggle in turn.

It was no good; he needed to study the pictures longer. With a sigh, he went back to the book store, and pretended to browse the meagre selection while studying the covers from over a magazine.

"Trying to decide what romance novel to read?" the oh-too-familiar voice came from over his shoulder. He suppressed a groan. Of all people to run into…

"Hey, Sai," he said over his shoulder.

"I see you are far more like a woman than even I previously thought. Trying to choose some literotica by the cover? Simple and shortsighted, but not unwholly effective – perhaps like your penis!" he smiled with a finger in the air. "I researched a few of these books when trying to learn about how to speak to women. The general plot is the same in all of them, and the intellect required to process the content is only slightly above that required for basic respiration. All in all, I learned more things about what _not_ to say to women. None of them were willing to explain to me who the 'member' mentioned in all of the sex scenes, though," he frowned. "That particular question earned me a punch to the gut from the Hag."

Naruto stared at Sai. "H-Hai," he waved his hand in front of his face. "Well, don't worry about it. Sakura-chan doesn't need much to get upset."

"Oh?" Sai said, his fake smile still in place. "That explains why she gets so angry with you."

Naruto crossed his arms and pouted. "Don't you have something else to do?" he half demanded – half whined.

"I do," Sai nodded. "I'll leave you to get back to staring at pictures of half-naked men."

Naruto sputtered trying to come up with something to say, but he couldn't very well say he was doing "research," now could he?"

Frustrated, he stormed out of the store before sighing and strolling down the streets with his hands behind his head. He stared up at the clouds and thought about all of the times Jiraiya had dragged him on "research." His smile was wistful as he thought back on his mentor. He still could not believe that he was gone, and that he had coded a message to him even in death.

The clouds above him shifted and a hint of an idea began to worm its way from the back of his mind to the front. Eyes wide, he knew just where he needed to go, and who to talk to.

"You aren't serious," Shikamaru sighed from his position on his favorite cloud-gazing hill and turned to look at Naruto. "Are you?"

"I think it would work," Naruto said, excited.

"Which part," Shikamaru took the long stem of grass from his mouth and twirled it between his fingers lazily. "The crazy part or the really crazy part."

"Both!" Naruto said optimistically. "C'mon, Shika – I need your help. You have to figure out how to make this work and convince Baa-chan to go along with it. You're the only one smart enough for the job."

"I might be the only one dumb enough to take it," he grumbled.

"Exactly!" Naruto pumped his fist into his palm. "Wait – that didn't sound right," he scratched his cheek.

"Go over it again with me, Naruto," Shikamaru sighed. "It's troublesome, but it might not be the worst idea you ever had."

"Yosh!" Naruto shot his fist into the air. "Let's do this!"

"I regret this already," Shikamaru grumbled.

* * *

Sai looked up at Kakashi from the desk in his apartment. "You're sure about this?" he asked for possibly the fourth time in five minutes.

Kakashi sighed. "Direct orders from the Hokage. We received intelligence that Jiraiya recognized the bodies used to create Pein. The people he encountered in his 'Tales of a Gutsy Shinobi,' were all later turned into the Paths of Pein. He may have coded more people into his books with or without knowing it."

"Why were there no illustrations of the people in his books?" Sai asked.

Kakashi shrugged. "Something about a dispute with the publisher. Your mission is to go through the books and create several sketches of the characters. Here is his first book, and pictures of the corresponding Pein's so that you can try to match his descriptions to the faces. After that, you can start with the Icha Icha series."

"I understand doing a sketch of a face," Sai continued, "Even a body to detail height or any identifying marks…" he traced his orders on the scroll and ran his finger under a certain line, "but what is this about putting the characters in "sexy poses."

Kakashi rubbed the back of his head. "Well, we are going to use the regular sketches to pass around the different Shinobi; maybe even see if Naruto recognizes anyone. If there is a face we recognize, we can actually have them publish your cover art to help us widen the number of people looking for the corresponding face."

Sai flipped through the book absently. "The women, too? It seems there are much more of them than men."

Kakashi managed not to drool once he realized what Sai would be drawing. "You'd better leave no stone unturned," he said in a serious voice. "I won't need these three books today. Better get reading," he smiled his crinkle-eye smile. "Ja, ne!"

He vanished in a puff of smoke, and left Sai staring dubiously at the books, ink, and scrolls in front of him. He cracked open the first book, a faint blush coloring his moon-pale face. This might be harder than he thought.

* * *

Tsunade sat at the desk, her arms crossed, her eyebrow twitching.

"I am sorry, Tsunade-sama," Sai said, "but this is the third nosebleed I've gotten today. I am hopeful that I shall become immune the more I work. Kakashi doesn't even react when he reads these, and in broad daylight. Surely my ROOT training will be an asset."

Tsunade bit the inside of her cheek as she nodded sharply for him to approach. With less than a thought, she healed his face and he blinked several times in rapid succession before sighing.

"Much better. Thank you. I shall get back to work, now." With that, he disappeared.

Tsunade sat back down at her seat and let out the hearty laugh she had been holding in the whole time. She didn't know how or why, but she was certain she sensed the hand of a baka-orange-loving-future-Hokage in all of this.

* * *

Sai put down his brush and leaned back in his chair, exhausted. He had finally finished his last series of sketches from the last of the books. His head was throbbing, his neck and arm hurt, and he couldn't figure out what had happened to his laundry.

"Yo," Kakashi called from a seat in the window where he read an Icha Icha book. Sai squinted at the cover.

"Is that the one with the lava beach, the redheaded twins, and a car chase?"

"One of them," Kakashi shrugged. He caught the scroll that Sai tossed to him before the artist got up from his seat, stiffly. He stretched his pale arms above his head and took a deep breath. It was good to move.

Kakashi's good eye widened at Sai's work, and he gave a low whistle. "Looks good, Sai. I knew you were talented, but this is exceptional."

"Thank you," he nodded as he pounded the top of his shoulder with his fist. "I've been at it for days. I have to do some laundry," he mumbled.

Kakashi looked over to the large pile of clothes with a confused look. "That is an awful lot of clothes for just about a week of work. What were you doing?" Kakashi asked slyly.

Sai grimaced. "Nothing. I must have made a mistake last time I did laundry. I had to change out of all of those pairs of pants while I worked. I must have shrunk them in the wash. They all seemed fine when I first put them on, though," he muttered. "I suppose I shall give them away."

Kakashi stared at the man as realization lit his good eye. "Might have been the…humidity," he offered. "I'd try them all on again."

Sai shrugged. "That seems unlikely, but I shall take your advice. I'd hate to have to replace so many garments at one time."

"Anything else you need me to see?" Kakashi asked nonchalantly.

Sai nodded. "I want your opinion, but I suspect that I shouldn't turn this one in to the Hokage," he handed Kakashi a scroll. "I didn't realize what I was drawing until I had drawn it. You look – I shall go reassess my laundry." Sai took a heap of pants and disappeared into the next room while Kakashi opened the scroll.

He checked the title; of course he had read the book.

But when he unrolled the scroll, he saw a familiar face staring back at him. The given name was "The Widow Tsubaki," and he remembered the story. The widow lost the love of her life at a young age, and was later found and protected by a valiant shinobi. It wasn't until he saw the familiar faces transcribed onto Sai's scroll that Kakashi made the connection. Jiraiya had penned his love letter to Tsunade, putting them together on a page when they couldn't be together in real life. He looked at the picture of Jiraiya and Tsunade sitting arm in arm and staring off into the sunset, their faces hopeful.

Sai reemerged from the adjoining room. "The oddest thing," he said, eyes wide. "They all fit again. How strange. Kakashi?"

Kakashi closed the scroll and handed it back to Sai. "Hold onto this one," he instructed quietly. "We won't need it for this assignment."

Sai nodded. "Understood."

Kakashi's slow grin spread under his mask. "Anything else you would like me to look over?"

Sai waved his arm behind him to the bank of scrolls piled neatly on his desk.

"Be my guest," he said without emotion. "But maybe sit in the chair at the other end of the room; I don't want to risk your pants shrinking."

Kakashi nodded and silently reminded himself to have a chat with Sai about some things. "I'll stay alert for any changes."

* * *

"Oh, that is WAY better," Konohamaru cheered.

Naruto stood back and admired his handiwork. The bevy of handsome men were lean, sculpted, sexy, and looked absolutely nothing like anyone he knew.

"How did you manage to pull that off?!" Konohamaru asked, his eyes wide. "They don't look like anyone in Konoha."

"I've got sources," Naruto winked as he jerked a thumb to himself proudly. "It still needs more work, though. Are you going to help me, Konohamaru?"

"Hai, Naruto-niichan!" Konohamaru saluted.

"Can I _please_ go home now," Shikamaru groaned. "I didn't need to see this once much less five times in a row."

"Ah," Naruto nodded. "Thanks for your help, Shikamaru."

"Don't mention it," he grumbled, lighting a cigarette. "I mean it. To anyone. Ever. And that goes double for you," he glared at Konohamaru.

The strategist left Naruto behind to practice his strange jutsu with a shake of his head. There was a reason that Naruto was the #1 unpredictable knucklehead ninja in all of Konoha – possibly in history. He'd stand by him, though. If Naruto was going to be the Hokage, then Shikamaru had to be ready to serve as an adviser to keep stupid things like this from happening in front of someone like Sakura. He glanced up at the clouds. If anyone could change this world, though, it was Naruto – Shikamaru was sure of that.

"That guy," he laughed as he took a drag off of his cigarette and sent the puff of smoke toward the clouds. "There's only one Naruto, that's for sure."

* * *

The rest of the world was in the grip of the God Tree and only Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, and Kakashi stood between the all-powerful mother of the Sage of the Six Paths and the end of their reality.

"Are you serious?" Sasuke asked in his dry way.

"We won't know unless we try," Naruto grinned.

Sasuke looked at his old friend without a word, but he was thinking plenty of them.

"I've been practicing this jutsu in secret more than the Rasengan. It's worth trying!"

Sasuke stared at the enemy in front of them, his hyper-analytical mind turning the battlefield over and over and over in his brain. "If it can create an opening in the enemy' defense," he allowed. "I guess we can try." He looked sidelong at his old friend, and somewhere inside, he smiled.

"Let's go," Sasuke called out.

"Yeah!" Naruto cheered.

Sasuke fired his amaterasu at the god-like creature, bathing her in black flames. Naruto threw in a barrage of clones even as she batted away the inextinguishable flames and activated her Byakugan, and prepared to observe, analyze and thwart whatever jutsu this was in seconds.

The clones of Naruto transformed into the reverse sexy harem jutsu and the goddess of shinobi – the originator of the Byakugan, the first being to have stolen chakra, the mother of the Sage of the Six paths, the destroyer of worlds – was completely taken aback. Naruto dove through the opening and knocked her backwards, a triumphant smile on his face.

"You might be the ancestor of chakra or whatever, but I'm sure you've never seen this jutsu!" he taunted. "THIS IS THE HISTORY OF SHINOBI, YOU BASTARD!"

Sasuke and Naruto attacked her in unison as Kakashi watched in disbelief. "The most unpredictable. I never imagined that Naruto's pervert ninjutsu would save the world! Are you watching Jiraiya-sensei?!"

_"I believe that Naruto is the boy of the prophesy that will save the world. Considering the shinobi history of the leaf, you might say that he's skipping a generation. He resembles me more than Minato."_

Kakashi smiled as he remembered the words of his friend. Maybe the sexy jutsu didn't work for long, but it had worked. "_You were right, sensei_," he thought. "_We're right behind you, Naruto,"_ he looked to Obito and Sakura. "_We are ready to fight with you and to die for you. We are Shinobi. We are Comrades. We are Family._"

As Naruto battled Kaguya, he could feel the resolve rolling off of Kakashi and Sakura as they prepared to stand with him until the very end. A determined smirk crossed his face. He didn't know what was going to happen next, but with Sasuke, Sakura, Kakashi and Obito at his side? He knew one thing for certain.

He was ready.

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_**A/N: Hope you enjoyed the little oneshot! Feedback is always appreciated; thanks for reading!**_

_**Cheers!**_

_**-Giada**_


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